farters have to be the big spoon...
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
