i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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