She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Damn victory sex feels great
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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