We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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