Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Welp...herpes.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
