I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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