At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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