At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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