The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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