just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
