i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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