just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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