if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
