just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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