apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
love makes seman taste better
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
