The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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