How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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