it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
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I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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