that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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