It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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