HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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