I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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