i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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