her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
