She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
