when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
