Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize