whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
