There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
we made out on top of his cat.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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