You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
