i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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