i jhust puked up my retainher.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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