i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
