you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
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I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
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I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize