All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
