i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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