you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
