I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
