Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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