never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
