I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
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