proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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