Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she told me i tasted like america
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize