This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
