Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize