i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
