he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
