Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
