too bad you live with your parents still
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
