Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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