you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
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Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
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TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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