i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
