Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
