to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My ATM looks so different sober.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
