Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
