so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
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Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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