DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
what day is it and did you see me today?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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