I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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