I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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