i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Is Oprah even human
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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