everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
