i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
