You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
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I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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