i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
