I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
