Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
