Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
