cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
