Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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