Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
