how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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