I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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