My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
