My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
