just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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