we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
