Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
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Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
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I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
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