I hate your face
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
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Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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