just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
