3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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