I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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