i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
