I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
