plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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