so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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