I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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