MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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