Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
