you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
