Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize
