Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Pants are for mortals
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
