Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
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she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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