i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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