Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
