youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Of course I have a pirate flag
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I love you. Go after that dick
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
