why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
